Fragile little bastards aren’t they?

To say mine is having a moment is an understatement.

Some days I don’t even feel like its my own, it feels like its in the bin; but not that nice waste paper basket you bought for your home office that you might throw a piece of your expensive papier.com stationery in, no I mean the bin that needs collecting after Christmas – you know the one – not been collected for a few weeks and is overflowing!

I oscillate between relative normality, incandescent anger to uncontrollable crying; that ugly cry though – not the one from the movies!

Ive always had a fragility there, like most of my muscles, I can pay lots of attention to it to get really fit, or I can forget about it for months on end, and just hope it still keeps working as it should!

I knew the signs were coming – last time it hit this hard I found myself in taxis heading to meetings crying for ‘no reason’ Ive now found myself bursting in to tears on the dog walk, or on the car drive home from the shops! I seem to have little ability to regulate my emotions, and just find myself riding the wave as they come in.

I also know that my age is playing a big part here – I’m 44 this year and currently going through the motions to get help in relation to the peri menopause; which is kicking my ass.

The tiredness coupled with continued inability to sleep is a delight, my memory – well what is that!? and the lack of confidence in the stuff I LOVE, such as horse riding, is a joke.

It’s at times like this that I know how lucky I am. Lucky to have http://aster.co.uk as my employer – I don’t need to be present in an office for 9am, so the nights I don’t sleep, I know I can get a rest in the day in my diary, I don’t need to clock in and clock out, I can regulate my diary, levels of meetings, and face to face interactions with what I can manage.

I have the support and expertise of fabulous people who just makes talking about any of this at work so fucking normal.

A few golden rules:

1 – Cuddle all the dogs

2 – Spend time with all the horses

3 – MOVE and I know this is the last thing you want to do BUT – MOVE!

4 – Get help – no one needs a hero

5 – Prozac works

6 – Get outside in the spring sunshine (and rain!)

7 – Rest

8 – Cry

9 – Laugh

10 – Its a moment in time

As Tom Hanks said:

‘This too shall pass’

You feel bad right now, you feel pissed off?

This too shall pass

You feel angry?

This too shall pass

You feel great, you feel like you know all the answers, you feel like everybody finally gets you?

This too shall pass

Time is your ally, and if nothing else, just wait, just wait; just wait it out.

Ill be here waiting, so if you need to wait awhile too – im here x